Investigation into Human Remains Cancelled After Evidence Vanishes
Despite outcries from family members of open missing person cases, no further inquiries will be made into the burn site.
By Gary HumanTop stories
Local
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Murderton: Spilling Into Your Inbox Weekly.
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Culture
All CultureScience Crazed Could Be an Avant-Garde Parody If It Weren’t So Agonizingly Slow
It’s alternately hilarious, mind-numbingly dull, perplexing, dull again, maddening, and then dull some more.
By Ernie Burton
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Op-Ed
All Op-EdDon’t You Forget About Writing Placeholders
This is the kind of excerpt that brings empires to their knees so that it’s easier to put on their socks.
By Gary Human
This Isn’t Putting a Lot of Work Into Writing Test Articles
You do what you can. You do what you must.
By Gary Human and Bobby Albuquerque
“We Didn’t Start the Fire,” Oh Yes You Did Don’t You Dare, Don’t You Dare
You think you’re soooo clever, don’t you? Yeah? Yeah? Well, not me! I don’t think you are at all!
By Gary Human
Letters
All LettersDo Another Letter Placeholder, I Double-Dog Dare You
“I’ve got so many things that are totally normal and fine that I’m waiting on you for, so come on!”
These Letters Are Birdseed for the Soul, If Your Soul Is a Bird
“So take your expectations and stick ‘em where the sun don’t shine (Antarctica)… this is the VHS Endurance Test.”
Corporeal Problems Call for Arboreal Solutions
“[B]roaden the definition of the defense department to include environmental, civil, truly national defense.”
Flushable Urinals Justify the Crimes Committed to Get Them Back
“Calling that Man a ‘Vigilante Plumbing Enthusiast’ is LIE-bel.”
Finding Human Remains Is a Choice and We Don’t Have to Make It
“Either look harder this time or stop looking at all!”